Luke Clarke's Scraps

Blues group on the beach - Dream Journal (15/09/2014)

I’d like to start off this journal with a bit of a foreword.

Even though all of my dreams seem to have a recurring character (in the form of the woman who I fancy the pants off, y), I haven’t been having many lucid dreams as of late, hence why I haven’t been posting any journals.

I don’t know where I am in life right now, but I do know that I’m not depressed, my job is ok and that even though I’m medicated up to the eyeballs, all is pretty well.

Anyway, onto the dream!

A lot of it has been forgotten, but I remember a good chunk of what was actually going on and how mad everything was.

The earliest thing I can remember going on was me and her sitting in a pub/restaurant, eating, laughing, the usual spiel, all around a very nice segment.

I briefly woke up, checked the time and went back to sleep, and was immediately on the beachfront, and she had stormed off, and I grabbed her arm to try and stop her, she told me to “Fuck off” and as I looked to my left there was a 4 piece blues/jazz in-house band on the beach, with all of their respective musical instruments on beach towels. The singer looks up at the raised path that I was walking on and said “Don’t worry! We’ll play something!” a crowd of people walked past and she had gone, and all that was left was the badly timed band playing what sounded like a 70’s cop show version of “Get Lucky” but with more rhodes piano and slap bass.

I woke up again, checked the time, went back to sleep.

It was raining, the skies were grey, she was crying, sobbing that things I’d said and done were awful, that they made her sick. I tell her that I can’t remember, that I had blacked out and I wasn’t in control, that it was a lapse that I had nothing to do with, consciously anyway.

She was in such a state, because something had obviously gone down before or after when she had stormed off in the previous dream. I was scared shitless because I feared I had hurt her or something in a moment where I thought I had been unconscious, yet obviously I hadn’t.

She walked away, there was nothing I could do.

I woke up and proceeded to do the washing up, as there was alot of it.

I think I experienced Inception in this dream, or there were things happening when I woke up to check the time?

GAH


Standing at the station - Dream Journal (25/08/2014)

Here’s another dream journal for ya.

I was somewhere around Birmingham with a couple of friends,  it was about midday and it was overcast, a very british scene, walking past pokey council houses with all sorts of unfriendly people living in them.

One of them needed to find a shop of somesorts to get a drink, we found one and it was your typical kind of cornershop/convenience shop, looked a bit grimey but it served its purpose.

Now, I’ll be honest, I’m getting sick of “You know who” being in all of my dreams, because she’s either too far away, or she’s close by and we’re getting on like a house on fire and playing each other up like we do non-stop when we’re together, however I’ll never get tired of actually dreaming of all the things that make me feel so fondly towards her. Her smile, her style, her mannerisms etc.

So me and a couple of friends make our way to the train station, making our way back home, but I’d never seen this station before, but I remember it very vividly.

The weather had changed and it was a very nice, picturesque sunny morning you know the kind, around 8-9am, lovely.

(Whether that suggested a change in the tone/direction of the dream? Who knows, I sure as hell don’t)

We walk down the ramp to the platform, laughing at a terrible wrestling joke, and she walks past, going the opposite direction, and normally in this kind of dream she’d carry on walking, but this time she didn’t. She looked pleased to see me, and she smiled and hugged me, and instead of carrying on the way she was going, she got onto our train…

I felt happy, then I woke up

Chord.wav


A quick thanks

Some days there are a few little things that make my day.

When I say make my day, I mean they literally make me smile, or make feel appreciated.

It’s not very often at all I get somebody actually come up to me and say “Luke, I really enjoyed your last few EPs" or "Luke, I read your blog on Tumblr, if you ever need to talk, just let me know”.

Now, I know all of you have told me that via message before, or made it pretty obvious by just sticking around and being one of my few friends, but to hear it out of someone else’s mouth, to hear things similar to that come from people you never thought would say them, THAT makes my day.

To all of you who actually kept me going yesterday when I wasn’t at my best, thank you.

Preparing another dream journal shortly

LC


Solution to “Baggage” - Previous dream journal deciphered

So, after much thinking out loud to my pal Rob on WhatsApp, I think I’ve solved what my last real dream meant.

The rainy, dark scene I described is obviously a metaphor for the way I go through life, and the perspective I look at the way I live (it’s grim isn’t it really)

Even though my dream lady was across the road under shelter, and I was soaked, pushing along a baggage cart, that in itself is a symbol of life raining on me, and my negative perspective on the world taking over on a massive scale.

The baggage is the interesting part though. For a very long time I’ve struggled to let go of a lot of things, previous experience, lack of confidence, self doubt, hiding behind a wall of false narcissism and overly-macho bullshit and many more. However the main one is how I’d put her on a pedestal, as if she was more than human, more than just someone that I know, that I wasn’t good enough. The obvious thing to see is here that if I wanted to get across the road in the dream to get to her, I’d have to drop all of this metaphorical baggage and just let everything go because it is only holding me back.

I’m all weighed down inside by things that I should have dealt with or forgotten about years ago. I’ve accepted that now and I can feel such a relief, because it has given me a push to actually do something about where I am in life.

I’ve cracked the code of one of my dreams and it is an amazing feeling.

Thanks for reading

LC


Baggage (Dream Diary 17/08/2014)

This was a short, less detailed dream compared to the one I wrote of last time, so here we go.

I’m noticing a theme in my dreams, and every time I wake up, it is starting to hurt me more and more. Not mentally, or scar me for life, or anything like that, but emotionally. I end up waking up sad, and that puts a dark cloud over the rest of my day.

Now following on from my last dream, and a topic I don’t really bring up on my Twitter or Facebook pages, is that lady who I can’t seem to get off my mind. It started out with me walking down the high street of my town, but for some reason I was pushing what seemed to be an airport style flatbed trolley along with me, with several suitcases piled onto it, the setting was much darker than I’ve ever seen, and much rainier than what we would normally see in the UK. The way the high street looked was almost dystopian in the way it was lit, but the heavy rain was very prominent and the sporadic lights reflected in the puddles, just as much.

Now to the crossing on the high street, I looked across the road to a store where there is a recessed entrance, so somewhere where someone could take shelter, I guarantee you can guess who was stood there.

Except she wasn’t alone this time, she was holding the hands of a guy whose face I couldn’t make out, they kissed, and as they did, I felt my heart break and in that moment, all the bags and suitcases on my trolley fell off, and then the trolley tipped over, with various items of mine scattered in the puddles, I can’t for the life of me remember what they were.

I looked over and they had gone, I was all alone.

Then I woke up.

I continued to feel like crap for the rest of the day.

I can see connotations of baggage in this, but I can’t see much else.

Any thoughts?


The dream that collapsed (Dream Diary 12/08/14)

It was a strange dream, I had found myself attending GamesCom in Cologne, Germany. (Which is one of those expos I’d love to go to, very much like E3)

However, I hadn’t gone alone, for some reason my long time friends (and super crush) had come with me, watching out for me because she knew that there would be strobe lights that could trigger my epilepsy.

This was turning out to be the most lucid dream I’ve ever had.

After an hour or so on the conference floor, looking at games, catching a glimpse of Hideo Kojima, and an array of other famous gaming folks, and my companion pointing things out (she’s not a gamer, which was kind of weird). We ducked out into a small café where I said “It was super hot in there, I’m sweating like a bastard”, she opened her bag, rummaged around and pulled out my Battlefield 3 T-Shirt and said “Here you go, change into this, save you stinking the place out”

She smiled her beautiful smile, we finished our lunch. She said that I looked troubled, and asked what was the matter, as I went to reply and tell her how I felt about her, I heard a familiar song, it was muffled like it was in another room. I felt myself fading away from the café in Cologne (Where I’ve never been), she faded away, everything faded and I woke up with my phone ringing under one of my duvet covers.

I wish I could have stayed there and never woken up.

I have never felt so let down after a dream.


24/07/2014 Update!

Hey all!

Recently, my mind has sorted itself out good and proper.

I’m feeling fresh, positive, I have a new perspective on things. For the first time in a very long time, I can confidently say I’m feeling really good about life.

I’ve made a few new friends aswell, which care for me more than my family does. One of them in general is fantastic, he’s probably the reason things have been on the up and up, because he’s there to make me laugh and always asks to hang out with me, and took the time to get to know me. I’ve developed almost a brotherly bond with him, which I kinda needed.

Now don’t think I’ve deserted some of my other friends, I love everyone and try to keep tabs on everyone.

I’ve got some amazing new studio tools, a fantastic new Goldtop Les Paul, and with this new grasp in my life, I intend to go back to my guitar orientated music, because I had forgotten how much I loved it.

Providing my Marshall MF350 sells in the next few days, I aim to grab an extremely rare Washburn Status bass, I’ve been after one for a very long time, and I’d love to think that my recent run of positivity could bring one more thing my way.

Sure, that’s as materialistic as it gets, but I love having new things that inspire me. I have gotten so much joy from my Avid ElevenRack, it certainly makes my guitar recordings sound more professional, and flicking through the settings, replicating my live rig (with Framed when my guitar work sounded it’s best) and realizing that this rackmounted monster can sound exactly like that rig.

You should go and check out my guitar orientated 3-track EP “Resurgence” for free on BandCamp

http://lukeclarke.bandcamp.com/album/resurgence-ep

Anyway, thanks for reading!

Stay cool

Luke


"Electric Future Collective": Why you should give a f**k

Hello everyone!

You may have seen me yapping on about the “EFC/Electric Future Collective” recently, not many people have taken an interest because I don’t think they have a clue what it is all about.

Now, in some shape or form it has existed long before I first encountered people like Dr. Existenz (The Artist Formerly Known As GeekyDisco/13LFO) and UNIT-1 on Twitter. As I met more and more musical minds on Twitter over the following days/weeks/months, I began to develop a friendship with all of them, because we all had a lot in common: we weren’t signed to a label, bound to a contract or on a deadline to create any chart-toppers, simply put, we made the music that we wanted, without having an audience in mind.

Suddenly, I’d gone from being just another muso in my local area who had become estranged with bands and the live scene, to being in with an online crowd of likeminded musicians who create songs and sounds that you will probably never have heard, unless you were looking.

Then came the challenges. I didn’t take part until number three, which spawned one of my most ambitious and most popular tracks called “No Survivors”, I received so many comments, tweets, emails about that song from people who listened and connected with the song in some shape or form, I distinctly remember one person telling me how it moved them to tears!

It had never officially been called a thing, but with MobiusSpin recently compiling an album of all of the submissions of the Summer EFC challenge, it dawned upon me that suddenly, we’re a much bigger group than we thought. The talent we have on display, and the variety in what we make made me realize that, even though individually we’ve found each other through twitter, we’ve accidentally created a union of creative minds who have an opportunity to make a much bigger musical footprint.

So, why should you care? Because what we do, we do for free.

All the music we offer for download, is all on BandCamp to download for free.

You can’t get a fat lot for free in this day and age.

You have around 20 musical minds from across the globe, making all sorts of music, pouring in their hearts & souls into one big collection of music, made available for free. Why? Because we can, and because we enjoy it.

Today, I listened to the full continuous mix of every song from the Summer Theme challenge. Every single song was a showstopper.

Download it here: http://mobiusspin.bandcamp.com/album/mbsspn003-summer

I can personally guarantee that you will find something you weren’t expecting and more.

Who are we?
EFC on Twitter

https://twitter.com/electricfuturec

M3t4rt
soundcloud.com/m3t4rt
Ian Haygreen
soundcloud.com/ian-haygreen
Odd Common
soundcloud.com/oddcommon
Luke Clarke
soundcloud.com/luke-clarke
Isotherme
soundcloud.com/isotherme
Roofhare
soundcloud.com/roofhare
Slinky
soundcloud.com/slinky-music
Todd Reitzell (feat. Jess Lemont)
soundcloud.com/toddreitzell
soundcloud.com/be-a-waterwolf
Nystada
soundcloud.com/nystada
Andrulian
soundcloud.com/andrulian
3dtorus
soundcloud.com/3dtorus

Thanks for reading!

Follow EFC on Twitter to keep up-to-date with new challenges

Your pal

Luke


Is this life?

Hey all,

This is going to be a more serious blog, where I’m going to open up and tell you all what’s been going on behind the uber-concrete exterior of Luke Clarke.

Now, anyone will tell you, when you suffer with any kind of depression, be it a minimal amount that lasts for a short amount of time, or if you suffer with manic/borderline bipolar depression, you have to force yourself out of bed every day, you have to force yourself out of the house to carry on with life, because it’s just one of those things, however, you learn to put on a mask, so to speak, to put on a facade and live a lie behind a shallow veil of a shit-eating grin and a thumbs up when people ask “How are you, mate?”

You learn to become an incredible actor, to not only convince other people that you’re ok, but after so long, it becomes hard to live behind that mask, because of how much effort it requires, and life becomes harder. Not only are you dealing with depression, but you’re on an uphill struggle to create a second personality you can wear out and about, when you’re at work or socializing with friends.

I suffer not only with depression (that I’ve managed quite well with until recently), most of my regular readers know that I suffer with photosensitive epilepsy, which I’m heavily medicated for. The problem with medication is that it always comes with side effects. I’ve been medicated for years, lived well enough with epilepsy for about 9 years now, however now, the struggle isn’t with the epilepsy, because I can deal with the seizures, and the recovery from said seizures, the struggle is with the side effects.

Now, I haven’t told anyone this, because I was kind of afraid to.

As most of my Twitter/Facebook people will know, I live a very active lifestyle, I eat well, I go to the gym several times a week, I bowl either on my own or with friends competitively, I do alot of running around and heavy lifting at work, I take my little bugger of a dog on walks, I don’t drink alcohol anymore, and I only smoke a fine cigar once in a while. But this last year, I’ve noticed myself slowing down and becoming more sluggish, and for a 23 year old, it doesn’t feel good at all.

From January to March I had alot of physio and some injections for newly developed Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, then as that started to ease off, half way through April, I trapped a nerve, and tore a muscle in my back, which kept me out of work and off my feet for about a month. I don’t go to the gym anymore because I don’t have any of the movement I used to have, I can’t bowl anymore because my back hurts and my wrist just can’t do the hook technique I could do so well, and was known for. I’ve had to cut my hours down at work, because my legs hurt so much from being on my feet for more than a couple of hours.

My colleagues will tell you that I can’t move around like I used to, I’m short of breath a lot of the time, my outlook has changed, and because of all that, my income has been halved. I do 20 hours a week, and that small amount of hours really tires me out. I’m sleeping more than ever, I’m trying to get myself going again, but I can’t do it, and I wish I knew why.

My knees will feel weak, or I’ll get an odd, brief chest pain, or my vision will just go blurry, or I simply won’t be able to stand.

A lot of you may think I’m being a bit dramatic, and trust me, I wish I was, but when you’re used to living a certain way, and then think “Hang on, what’s happened to me?” it kind of hits home.

I’m on a smaller budget than ever (£120 a week, if you must know) and all of a sudden, everything that I had worked hard for is either in need of replacing, or in need of repair, and when you have to afford everything else in the house, such as food, electricity, gas, etc, I’ve reached a point where, like I mentioned in my last post, I’m having to sell all the guitar equipment I valued so highly.

I’m at a point where I truly feel helpless.

There we go,

LC


The Big Guitar Sell Off

Hey everyone!

Now if you follow me on Twitter, or have me on Facebook, or are just one of my mates, you’ll know that I’m flogging off pretty much all of my main rig.

My Dual Rectifier, my Marshall Mode 4, my 4x12, my pedals, all of it is going, Not because I’m giving up guitar or music, simply because none of it has been used since January last year, yes that’s right January 2013!

Now there are alot of gigging/recording memories attached to all of this gear, but the thing is it just doesn’t get used and takes up a huge amount of space. The Mesa Dual Rectifier is quite a sought after amp, the MF350, not as much, and pedals will always sell, so I hope I can get it all done sooner rather than later, hopefully before I move too.

I’ll be using the cash to upgrade my studio set up, because I do everything digitally and trying to mic up a Dual Rec in a pokey bedroom in a semi-detached house is increasingly difficult, because if you want to get ‘THAT’ sound, you really have to crank it, and I just can’t do that.

I have no desire to be in a band, or gig, or play live. Because it is an unappreciated, soulless, pointless and rewardless endeavor.

So, to wrap up: I am NOT quitting guitar, because no synthesizer can match that feeling of both man and instrument in complete synchronization (at least for me anyway, I’m waiting for GeekyDisco/13LFO/Dr.Existenz to start strangling me)

Thanks for reading, stay cool!

LC